Tomorrow will be a new day :) Someone told me on one of those nights when you don't feel it will be. I have never really been a crying baby but I have been having trouble getting to cry since last year. I try but tears just don't come easily. I was told that it is necessary to grieve...to let it out...but I can't...it stays inside...and then I don't know what to do with it. It feels like something inside me has died and it is very cold in there. I did break down in front of Samantha that night though..."Why is life so difficult...why does it have to be so difficult...if there is anything called nirvana or moksha then I want it more than anything else...I don't want to be born again because life is tiring me...I am tired to my bones and my soul". She held me and said "You are a strong girl...you'll survive all of it...we are both strong girls and we'll make it through this". I love her so much...I have always been the older child...the older sister...I have never known what it is like to have an older sister to look up to :)
Maa woke me up the next morning...the day just seems sunnier when she does that :) I was still tired..I look forward to going to work every day but that day was just not one of them and I had a deadline to meet. The kids needed their test scores and I had to go take care of that...my sadness needed to wait :)
Rennie and Barb, my two American moms (thats what they say...hehe) were chatting...they have been such a great support system through everything. It feels like I have a family at work :) I was asking Barb how to be politically correct about an email that I was writing and she was like "Neelam...you are stressing too much over it...just send it" and my reply was "Barb, there is so much stress in my life that I am looking for more stress or maybe a different kind of stress to distract me"...they laughed and I smiled :-)
"Dear you, I know you love me and even though I get mad at you, I hope you know I love you...Mamma says that you can make anything possible...would you make tomorrow sunnier and happier for me ?....please..." :-)
Sunday, January 31, 2010
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2 comments:
We spend SO much of our time being disappointed from the expectations of the past and worrying about the nuances of tomorrow that we forget to live TODAY. Here's a little gift that allows me to wake up in the morning and face the world.. "Don't worry about tomorrow. God is already there." :) Love You!
I sometimes forget that one...thank you for reminding me :) I love you too !
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